I cannot believe this is happening to me…

I read about it, I research about it, I even share it in my blogs….

But experiencing the deepest effects of PTSD is quite a different side of the picture. It is the more frustrating one, the most excruciating pain and the most unbearable confusion there is. I have always told myself to not tell anyone, and if I do, I ought to make it short and unnoticeable at least. Not just to protect myself from judgement but to protect those who have done me with such hurt because I have always believed that even though they have done such nasty things, they are still human. They deserve to be happy, they deserve to have a life.

But then again, I always get back to this painful fact that I am the one continuously suffering from all that they have done. No one who has not been a victim of abuse, can understand the plight that I am going through. Those to whom I chose to disclose my story ended up trying to make sense of what happened. Tried to console me with the words “everything happens for a reason” ….. then what reason is there for me to experience all these? The hallucinations, the seizures, the depression- is it just right that I experience this when I have done nothing to harm those people who hurt me to rightfully give them such reason to put such pain into my being?

I do not blame those who try to console me with words and analysis of what I am going through- they mean well- however, it could be that what I have gone through is just too much to contain that at times no explanation could suffice to provide me with the answers I might likely want to hear-or perhaps there is no available response at all. 

Then I realized, I am not alone, there are a lot more others who are struggling like me. I cannot believe how many out there are experiencing a much more tedious situation compared to what I am going through. And like me, they need to know that they are not alone. 

So, I decided to do more than just wallow over my situation. Perhaps, it would be best for me to make use of my misery to assist others who might want to understand PTSD better and deal with it in a more positive approach. Not only do I hope to reach out to my fellow PTSD sufferers but also to their families and caregivers who are trying so hard to make something out of what they are experiencing and how they are experiencing the impact of PTSD on their loved one and on their lives. 

I desire to more than just share my experience. I desire more to educate individuals to helpnthem come into terms of acceptance with the thought “I cannot believe this is happening to me”…. 

Everyone goes through a traumatic event once in a lifetime. Nevertheless, not everyone faces the situatiin in the same manner as others. The rate of tolerance one has towards life’s hardest struggles often depends on the personality of an individual, his upbringing and his capacity to balance out with the why’s and how’s of life. 

However, there are instances when the most intriguing questions of life becomes harder to contend with especially in terms of making sense of situations that tend to question our self worth. Thus is when anomalies hapoen, at times, this is where the problem and confusions come in. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is one aspect of psychological anomaly that comes from a distinct processing of memories. When a person felt in one time that there was a threat to his safety, his life balance and his self identity, it could create a strong impact on how he strongly becomes attached to that event even without his knowledge of it. 

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